As a group of DV survivors we ask ourselves
healing questions. How have we changed and
discoveries that are made? It was in the
spring and L.O.R.E* invited us to be apart of
an event they were doing. We decided it was
time to write about sex, love and sexuality, as
we heal.

Still healing...
It’s been almost three years since I left
my abuser and I’m still healing sexually.
It wasn’t until about a month or so ago
when I received an email about a work-
shop; “Sex for Survivors,” in which one
of the topics was Embodiment: being
present in the moment, feeling sensa-
tions and emotions in the here and now,
that I realized throughout my sexual
relationships I was having sex not
because I wanted to, but because
I was trying to please the men that I
was with at the time. This in turn
caused me to struggle with embodiment.

I’d continually sacrificed my body to
please a man, so much to the point
that I didn’t even realize what was going
on. I didn’t have control of my own
body. I would just let men wear me
down and talk me into having sex before
I was ready. Because of that when
it came to sex a lot of the time I couldn’t
stay focused. I was disconnected
from that person; it was hard for me
to relax. I would wander off, which
kept me from being satisfied, because
it was hardly ever about me it was
mostly about them.

For a long time I thought it was something
wrong with me, but through my
continual healing process I realized it
wasn’t. I finally made a conscious decision
not to let any man talk me into having sex
until I am ready. I’ve finally taken control of
my body. I will no longer settle for
meaningless sex, it doesn’t work for me--
I've realized that I’m more complex than
that. I’m willing to wait on the man who can
make me feel good and treat me like the
woman that I am.

Cernora

*L.O.R.E. Latinas Organizing for
Reproductive Equality

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