(no title, YET)

I just want to cry my eyes out.

Pull my eyes out from the sockets.

BASH myself in the back of the head.

My soul… is dark… is black.

I can’t breathe. Stop to say it. I-I-I-I-I,
can’t bear under the pressure. I-I
I-I-I got my foot on my own neck

Strangling all the tangled language
of my pain, my shame… I see myself.

Shaking, shaking, shaking, the
hell out of my baby self. I throw the
the dirty doll on the floor screaming,
“bad baby, you make me sick!”

I’m COLD. I whisper into my
cupped hands, “Mommy please
come get me.” My skin is cold and wet.

Am I dead, or just dying to get out of my
skin. Screaming voices are crowding my
brain—causing…causing me extreme
distress, diarrhea, tears, worries—pain.

My brain is on fire, I’m ah—LIVE
wire ready to explode. shock the shit
out of my misery. I want to give the
bluest eye, ah black eye. Stupid
Mary Jane candies gets stuck in my
teef. Get me some gooood ooold
tasty collard greens, corn bread and
sweet teas to wash down the taste
of torment as I sneak a peek into the
looking glass at my soul.

Hollow and Fake.
Fragile. Easy to break.
Do NOT stop me
NOW
I’m on a roll,
you wanted my story to be told.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
First time I tried to write the story all
I got was mad. I keep reading this
because it was written only on emotions,
why these words, with those emotions…
for my bad relationship my emotionally
abusive marriage. I’m still trying
to frame the relationship to write
about it…NO title yet.

Angee

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